I’ve worked for people who thought leadership was about standing at the front of the room and being the loudest voice. People who believed that if someone didn’t fall in line, it was because they were lazy, disrespectful, or “not a good fit for the culture.”
They didn’t see any of it as a reflection of their leadership.
Because in their mind, they weren’t the variable.
They were the constant. The standard. The boss.
Here’s the truth.
If you think your team is difficult, but you’ve never take time to learn wat matters to them, what motivates them, what stresses them out, what they actually need from you, then they’re not the problem.
You are.
I’ve seen it more than once. A new program gets introduced. A new role is added. The person in charge resists it from day one. Not because it’s a bad idea, but because it wasn’t their idea. They don’t want to learn what it does, why it’s needed, or how it fits into the bigger picture. And when the person in that role doesn’t thrive immediately, because, surprise, they’re getting zero support, the response is, “See? Told you it wouldn’t work.”
That’s not leadership. That’s sabotage with a name badge.
But here’s the kicker. Those people? When they finally get a leader who gets it, someone who pays attention, listens without judgement, and adapts their approach, they become unstoppable.
The “difficult” ones are often the most loyal, the most effective, and the most creative members of the team once they feel seen and trusted. But they don’t respond to positional authority. They respond to earned respect.
If your go-to move is to write people off because they don’t immediately jump when you say jump, you’re not leading. You’re just managing compliance and calling it culture. Leadership is not a personality contest. It’s a relationship. And relationships take work. So the next time you catch yourself muttering that your team is difficult, stop and ask:
Have I actually tried to understand them?
Have I given them the support I expect them to give me?
Have I adjusted my style to match the needs of the people I’m supposed to be guiding?
If the answer is no, then you haven’t led them yet.
You’ve just been standing near them while stuff happens.