Rebuilding Sucks, But So Did Being Out of Shape

There’s no poetic way to say this. Coming back to the bike after a long time off sucks. 

It sucks when your lungs start burning during a warm-up.
It sucks when you used to crush climbs and now you’re watching your heart rate spike just trying to hold an endurance pace. 
It sucks when your body feels like a stranger. 

For a long time, I told myself I was just busy. I had work, school, family. I was getting things done. But the truth is, I’d burned out. Hard. And once I stopped riding, it was easy to stay stopped. The idea of coming back felt overwhelming. I wasn’t just worried about losing fitness. I was worried about what it would feel like to face that loss head-on. 

I’ve always had a tendency to go all-in on things. It’s part of who I am. Focused to the point of obsession, until the fuel runs out. Then I crash. I’ve never had a diagnosis, but if you drew a Venn diagram of ADHD, burnout cycles, and perfectionist tendencies, I’d be standing right in the middle waving. 

So when I finally decided to get back on the trainer and rebuild, I thought I knew what to expect. Soreness, sure. Loss of power, fine. But I wasn’t prepared for the identity crisis. 

I couldn’t even think of myself as the same rider anymore. That guy? He was long gone. That guy had an FTP that didn’t want to make him cry. That guy did events. That guy had a training calendar full of colors. This new guy? He was struggling to get through a Zone 2 ride without negotiating with his legs like they were on a union strike. 

You don’t just return to cycling after time off. You reframe yourself. You rebuild a relationship with a sport that used to define you. And sometimes, that means giving up the fantasy of being “back to normal” and deciding what your new normal is going to look like.

I had to stop thinking in terms of comparison.
No more “I used to…”
No more chasing ghosts on the leaderboard. 
No more measuring today against the version of me who didn’t have a kid, a degree, and a whole catalog of professional baggage. 

Now, I ride to feel strong again. Not fast. Not competitive. Just strong. Grounded. Connected to myself. 

It’s not heroic. It’s not inspirational. It’s just honest.

And honestly? Rebuilding sucks. 
But being out of shape sucked more. 

So if you’re staring at your bike right now, trying to psyche yourself up for a comeback, do it. But don’t expect to become your old self again. 

You’re building someone new.

And that version of you?
They might not ride the same. 

But they’ll ride for better reasons.